Unraveling
by SaraLyleth
Summary: After the loss of Baby Lila what would have happened had Sam pushed Jason away. A different way the two could have come together to form the super couple we know and love. No Baby Hope in this one.


**Hey everybody! I'm a new fan to GH. I started watching during Maxie/Spinelli's wedding and I fell in love with JaSam! I went to youtube and watched from their very first meeting in PCPD interrogation room to the horrible break up (I still think pod people took over their bodies). I love everything JaSam. That being said, I'm changing things but only because this has been stuck in my head for awhile. Any mistakes are my own. I claim the right to change anything so that it better fits my story. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own GH if I did there never would have been a break up.**

The pain was excruciating. Everything hurt and she couldn't get away from the ache that had taken over her body. It was beyond the physical pain that every woman felt after having a c-section. It was emotional. She'd laid her baby girl in the ground today, without having ever seen her face. She never got to hold her close and breathe in the sweet baby smell or count her little fingers and toes. She'd never get to see her smile or hear her first giggle. She was just gone.

Sam hadn't spoken a word since they'd left the gravesite. There were no words. She'd held herself together for the memorial; she'd wanted to show her daughter how strong her Mother was. But it was all pretend, she'd made it through the ceremony and now she could finally break down.

She just didn't want to lose it in front of Jason. He was the strongest person she knew. And if he watched her fall apart he'd get upset and uncomfortable and she didn't need that. She wanted to be alone. When you were alone you didn't have to feel anything and Sam was praying for the numbness that had been on the edge for the past couple hours to just take over.

"Do you need anything?" Jason asked softly. Her silence was starting to scare him. Sam was never quiet.

Sam looked at him for the first time since they'd left the cemetery. He looked tired. It was hard work taking care of all the little details for the memorial, himself and her. But it was time for him to be free. Sam was use to taking care of herself. She'd gotten use to Jason handling everything but no more. She wasn't his responsibility anymore.

"I need for you to go," Sam said softly. She looked away, not wanting to see his face when she pushed him away for good this time.

"Sam-"

"It's too hard Jason," she interrupted him. "I need you to move on and let me go. My baby…our baby is gone. There is no tie holding us together anymore."

"Sam," Jason said quietly. He reached out to take her hand in his but froze when she pulled away.

"Just go Jason." Sam turned her body so she was facing the far wall but she knew he was still standing there. His hand reaching out for hers. "Go!"

Jason took a step back from her hospital bed from the force of Sam's voice. He hadn't been expecting this. He'd thought they'd gotten past this in the days since Sam had woken up. He'd thought they'd reached some sort of understanding at the memorial. She'd leaned on him and it had felt right. But now it was like she had forgotten.

He walked as slowly as he could to the door, praying she would change her mind. He didn't really believe it was what she wanted but he didn't know if forcing the issue would be right. She was in a lot of pain right now.

He barely noticed Elizabeth standing in the hallway. He immediately turned to the window and wanted to punch the wall when he saw Sam crying as she curled into herself. It was like she was trying to form a protective ball to keep all the pain he knew she was feeling away…or tuck it closer.

"Jason," Elizabeth said quietly. She hated seeing that tortured look on his face. He was so used to handling everything, taking care of everybody around him that this had to be killing him. Jason Morgan wasn't use to feeling useless.

"She wants me to go," he said his voice sounding hollow to his own ears.

"She doesn't really mean it," Elizabeth said knowing how little that actually mattered. When somebody you really cared about pushed you away in the moment they probably needed you most, it hurt. "Her emotions are all over the place right now. Maybe she needs to be alone right now. Why don't you come back later?"

No she meant it," Jason said touching his hand to the window. "She had this look in her eyes."

"She needs you Jason," Elizabeth said. "That may have been Sonny's baby by blood but it was yours in every other way. You need to grieve together."

"I can't force her to let me in," Jason said turning to look at her.

"No but you can show her you're not going away," she pointed out. "Be there for her even when she doesn't want you to be."

"Could you check on her for me," Jason asked.

"Sure, I have to check her levels anyway," Elizabeth said touching his arm softly before walking into Sam's room.

Sam stared at the wall as her tears fell in a steady pace down her face. There was no point in wiping them away, more were coming. She kept thinking they would dry up, she'd been crying nonstop for days.

"Hey Sam." Sam turned to look at her. She hadn't even heard her come in but she felt like she was seeing and hearing everything around her from a heavy fog. "Jason's right outside," Elizabeth was saying when Sam finally tuned in. "He's really worried about you. We all are."

"Can you make sure I have no visitors?" She didn't even wait for an answer before turning and facing the wall once again.

"Sam."

"I'd like to be alone."

Elizabeth watched as Sam closed her eyes and wished she could say the right thing that would knock some sense into Sam's head. But she knew Sam wasn't able to hear anything right now. She was still too raw and angry. It was going to take time.

Jason didn't even have to ask Elizabeth what was said between the two women. It was obvious from the look on her face that Sam hadn't changed her mind. He waited until she'd closed the door tightly behind her before speaking. "She doesn't want to see me, does she?"

"She doesn't want any visitor's at the moment," Elizabeth said shaking her head. 'I think she's going to sleep right now which is the best thing for her."

"She shouldn't be pushing everybody away."

"No but I understand the appeal right now. Everybody is giving their condolences and though it is nice of them to do so, it most likely feels empty to her." Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her stomach as she thought about the baby she had lost years ago. She could remember how angry she had been when people had said, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Like the words really helped or something.

"I don't want her to be alone," Jason admitted unable to walk away from her hospital room.

"I know you don't," Elizabeth said quietly. "And she knows that too. She'll change her mind Jason. It just hurts right now."

Jason watched Elizabeth walk off down the hall before turning back to look through the window at the woman who had come to mean so much to him in the last few months. He didn't want to leave her but standing outside her room staring at her without being able to go to her and hold her was killing him. He knew she was sleeping and maybe when she woke up she'd let him in once again.

*****JaSam*****

Jason said in his living room staring at the baby stuff Sam had accumulated during her pregnancy. He knew he had to do something with it but every time he picked something up to put in a box he set it down like it was on fire. Elizabeth had Sam would want to do it but he couldn't just leave all the baby stuff out like it was waiting to be used.

It was late and he knew he should check in with Sonny but all he wanted to do was call the hospital and check on Sam for the third time since he'd left four hours ago. There hadn't been a single change; in fact she was still sleeping. He knew it was good for her but it made him worry just the same.

"Jason," Sonny said walking through the door with Carly right behind him.

"Hey Sonny…Carly," Jason said putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I should have called."

""No…it's okay," Sonny said. "I thought you'd still be at the hospital."

"She uh…doesn't want me around," Jason said pacing away towards the fire place. "Doesn't want anyone around."

"Tell me you aren't going to listen to her," Carly said taking a few steps closer to her best friend.

"It hurts her when I'm around," Jason said wishing he could explain the look in Sam's eyes when she had ordered him out of her room.

"I don't think Sam's thinking clearly right now," Sonny explained.

"I know she's not Sonny." Jason turned to face them. "But I can't force her to let me stick around. She's been through so much lately." He pulled his hands out of his pockets as he gestured around. "She's been through more in the past year and I can only blame myself."

"How is any of this your fault?" Carly asked confused.

"She wanted to leave," Jason said. "Hell, she tried to leave on more than one occasion and I made her come back every time."

"No offense Jason but I don't think you can make Sam do anything she doesn't really want to do," Carly said shaking her head. "Believe me, I've tried."

"Besides," Sonny said throwing his two cents in. "I've seen you two these past few months. She wanted to be here…with you."

"But if I had let her leave when she wanted to in the beginning this might not have happened," Jason pointed out.

"You can't know that." Sonny looked at Carly wishing they could make Jason see that none of this was his fault. He hated to see his best friend blaming himself for something that wasn't anybody's fault.

"What if she had been all alone when this happened?" Carly asked causing both men to stare at her.

Jason shared a look with Sonny and knew she was right. Sam would be doing much worse if she was dealing with this alone but even with having people who care about her around, she wanted to be alone.

"I wish she would let me help her."

"She will," Carly said walking over so she was standing beside him. "When she lets this sink in and realizes that being alone isn't going to help, she'll want you there."

"I don't know," Jason said picturing the look in her eyes once again.

"Jason, I saw the way she looked at you…protected you," Sonny said quietly. "She was protecting you from me."

"Sonny…Sam and I…we aren't-"

"But you were," Carly said surprising both of them once again. "We've all seen it. I didn't want to believe it…a part of me still doesn't. I'm not Sam's biggest fan. I doubt I ever will be. But she really cares about you. And you care about her."

Jason had to turn away from them again. He knew she was right. He hadn't allowed himself to admit it privately or out loud but he did care about Sam. He couldn't pin point the exact moment when Sam had gone from just an obligation to actually mattering to him. It hadn't been a quick change but a slow one. He didn't admire many people but Sam certainly topped the list. She'd overcome so much in her life. She wasn't perfect and didn't claim to be. She made plenty of mistakes but she owned up to them and she never made the same mistake twice.

"She needs you Jason," Sonny said breaking into his thoughts. "Don't let her push you away."

****JaSam****

Sam opened her eyes once she heard the door close. Jason had just been here yet again telling her in his own cool 'I'm not taking to for an answer kind of way' that he was not going to leave her alone.

It had been almost two days since she had told him to leave and asked for no visitors. At least the hospital staff had listened; she'd had no visitors, though she didn't know if that was because of the staff or because nobody cared to visit. Jason was the only person to show up every day. But she didn't blame the hospital for that. She had yet to meet a single person who could stop Jason from doing something he thought was right. Sonny was the only person to give him orders.

She wouldn't admit it but she looked forward to seeing him every day. She knew he would be there for her. That he would prop her up for as long as she needed him too if she'd let him. But then she would owe him even more than she already owed him. She wasn't use to counting on anyone for anything. It had made sense when Lila was in the picture. Sam didn't know a single thing about babies and Jason seemed to know everything and then some. Besides, every kid deserved two parents.

But with Lila gone, Jason didn't need to support her anymore. As soon as the stupid hospital would release her she would go back to work. She'd lose herself in the ocean and maybe find some peace.

She'd have to say goodbye to Lila first. She would have to find the words that had seemed to come so easily to Jason on the day of the memorial. She couldn't leave Port Charles without somehow letting Baby Lila know how much she meant to her and how much she was missed.

Even then, Sam didn't know how she'd find the strength to leave. But she didn't know how to stay either.

She didn't belong here. She had no family or real friends here. There was no job. Honestly, the only reason she hadn't been run out of town yet was because of Lila. With her gone she was sure the crowd of people wanting her gone would be all to ready to help her pack.

Not that she had much to pack. She had a ton of maternity clothes that she wouldn't be taking with her. Plus all the baby things that had meant so much to her. Now they could be donated to some other mother and child who needed them.

All her worldly possessions could fit into a single duffle bag. She never grew too attached to things. Cody had taught her that. She'd also learned to never grow attached to people or places. Cody would be so disappointed to see Sam now. She'd gone soft. Lila had changed her.

Sam didn't know if she could go back to her life before; moving from port to port, town to town. Never truly belonging anywhere or to anyone. Life had been much simpler then. It had certainly hurt less.

"Hey Sam," Carly said pushing the door open as she strolled into her room.

To say Sam was shocked to see her was an understatement. Carly hated her. The only time Carly sought her out was to yell at her and call her insulting names. Sam didn't bother saying anything. She didn't have the energy to deal with Carly at the moment and she could only pray that it would be a short visit.

"What, no hello?" Carly waited to see if Sam would say anything but she just continued to stare at her with that empty blank stare. "Wow, Jason told me you had gone mute but I didn't believe him."

Sam wanted to roll her eyes. She was almost one hundred percent positive that Jason hadn't said anything of the sort but she had been treating Jason like he was a leper. Maybe he was confiding in Carly. She wanted to order Carly from her room. No visitors meant no visitors. But instead she moved her hand to press the nurses call button. She'd let one of the nurses kick her out.

"Do you have any idea how selfish you are being right now?" Carly asked deciding to say her piece even though Sam wasn't responding. She had to do something; Jason was going crazy worrying about Sam. "Jason misses your baby just as much as you." Carly had never wanted to smack anybody as much as she did now when Sam turned her head to stare at the wall. Carly just walked across the room until she was in Sam's direct line of sight. "You aren't the only one who lost Lila Sam."

"I know that," Sam finally spoke when it became obvious Carly wasn't going to leave. Where was her damn nurse?

"Then why are you being so selfish? Pushing away Jason like he doesn't matter," Carly said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Of course he matters," Sam said glaring at her. "Jason has been the best. He's done more for me than any other person has in my entire life." Sam was sick of looking at Carly so she closed her eyes.

"Then why are you pushing him away?"

"Because Lila is gone!" Sam yelled. "Because the only reason he even had to deal with me is gone. He is free. Just like Sonny is free. You're world can return to normal Carly. Without me."

"Sam," Carly said feeling a tad guilty when the mere thought of Sam leaving and her world being restored to its natural order caused a feeling of excitement. But it was momentary. Jason would never just let things return to normal. Sam had made Jason's list of people that he would always look out for, protect.

"Just go Carly," Sam said her body feeling even more run down.

"No," Carly said planting her feet. She wasn't leaving until Sam admitted she was wrong about pushing Jason away.

Sam kicked the covers off and turned so she could stand up. If Carly wasn't going to leave willingly then she was going to throw her out.

"Get out Carly!" Sam said loudly pushing herself off the bed. But she stood too quickly and the room started spinning. She raised a hang to her head when it felt like somebody was using her head as a bass drum.

"Sam…are you okay? "Carly asked stepping forward quickly when Sam's legs gave out and she fell to the floor. "Help!"

****JaSam****

"How is she doing?" Jason asked making his daily stop at the nurse's desk after leaving Sam's room. He'd stopped by every day; his sole purpose was to show Sam he wasn't going anywhere. He was hoping to see a change today but once again he got the blank stare that didn't show what she was thinking or feeling. He wished she'd at least tell him to go away again. The silence was worse.

"Dr. Meadow's was hoping to release her tomorrow but it's not looking good," Elizabeth said after making sure nobody was around to over hear. She shouldn't be giving out Sam's medical information but if anyone deserved to know it was Jason.

"Why not?"

"She's not strong enough is the main reason," Elizabeth said. "But she also has no where to go when they do release her."

"She is going back to the pent house with me," Jason said immediately.

"Sam already said that wasn't an option," Elizabeth said sadly. "Sam wants to check out of the hospital and leave Port Charles immediately. Dr. Meadow's is afraid to release her and then have her leave town and collapse because she wasn't strong enough."

"She wants to leave town," Jason said wondering why he is so surprised by that. That was Sam's first instinct, running away.

"She wants to get away from all the memories," Elizabeth said. "She hasn't realized yet that the memories will follow her."

"Why isn't she strong enough?" Jason asked deciding to put Sam's desire to leave town in the back of his mind. He wouldn't let it happen but it wasn't an issue until she was released.

"She barely eats anything. If she doesn't start eating Dr. Meadows will put her back on an IV drip." Elizabeth saw the light for Sam's room light up and turned it off as she left the nurse's station. "Sam just hit her call button. Walk with me."

Liz and Jason were walking down the hallway where Sam's room was when Epiphany walked out of anther room. She stared at both of them for a moment before arching one eyebrow. "Sharing patient information Elizabeth," she commented.

"Nope, just talking," Liz lied.

"Right," Epiphany said rolling her eyes. She then walked around them heading back to the nurse's desk.

"I don't want to get you in trouble," Jason said once she was out of earshot.

"Epiphany won't care," Liz assured him. They had finally reached Sam's door when they both heard someone yell for help.

Jason reached the door first and ran in; rounding the bed when he saw it was empty and Carly kneeling on the floor. His heart stopped beating for a moment when he saw Sam lying on the floor unconscious.

"Elizabeth," he said moving Carly out of the way so the nurse could do her job. "What are you doing here Carly?"

"I wanted to talk to Sam," Carly said her eyes never leaving Sam. "Make her see how selfish she was being pushing everybody away."

"Jason, can you lift her back on the bed?" Liz asked making room for him. "You do realize badgering a grieving woman isn't necessarily the way to get someone to listen to you Carly."

"I wasn't badgering her," Carly said defensively.

"What's wrong with her?" Jason asked after placing her gently in the bed.

"She just fainted," Liz said checking all her machines. "I told you she hasn't been eating very well."

"See, it wasn't my fault," Carly pointed out.

"Yeah, I'm sure you had nothing to do with her getting out of bed," Liz said sarcastically. After checking and re-checking everything she took a single deep breath and turned to face Jason and Carly. "I'm going to ask you to leave."

"You can't tell me what to do," Carly said before Jason could say anything.

"Actually I can," Liz said seriously. "Sam is a patient in this hospital, a patient who has asked for no visitors. I don't know how you snuck past me at the nurse's desk but you are going to leave now."

"Is she going to be okay?" Jason asked never taking his eyes off of Sam. It looked like she was sleeping.

"She will be fine," Liz assured him. "I just want to talk to her privately and it will be easier without an audience."

"I'll be calling later," Jason said before putting a hand on Carly's back nudging her towards the door.

"I know you will," Liz said watching them leave before turning back to Sam. Now she just had to wake her up.

****JaSam****

"How can you just let Elizabeth order you around like that?" Carly asked once Jason had her in the elevator.

"Because Elizabeth is a nurse and knows what's best for Sam at the moment," Jason said putting his hands on his hips. "What were you thinking Carly? You and Sam didn't even get along before, why would you go and antagonize her now?"

"I wasn't antagonizing her!" Carly said glaring at him. "I was trying to help."

"Carly, I've seen you help and Sam doesn't need your brand of help right now," Jason said taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

"I resent that Jason," Carly said hurt. "I really was trying to help. I thought if somebody told her how selfish she was being that she would snap out of it"

"I don't think this is something that you just snap out of Carly," Jason pointed out. "Sam is grieving and its going to take time."

"But this is really hurting you."

"Of course it's hurting me!" Jason said loudly. "This whole week has been one of the worst weeks of my life." Jason counted to ten before speaking again. "I know you were trying to help but you probably aren't the best person to get through to her."

"I know both of you though," Carly said.

"You don't know Sam, Carly," Jason said honestly. "You never took the time to get to know her. You just saw what you wanted to see and made sure Sam knew that you didn't think much of her."

They reached the ground floor and Jason walked Carly to her car. They didn't say anything else both lost in their own thoughts. Jason wished he could turn around and head back upstairs but Elizabeth knew what she was doing. He had to trust that they wouldn't release Sam anytime soon. Not until he at least gave her some options so she didn't feel she had to run right away.

****JaSam****

Elizabeth stood at the foot of Sam's bed waiting for her to wake up. It had been five minutes since Jason and Carly had left and Sam was still out. This wasn't surprising. She'd been through so much the more she let her body rest without getting worked up was best. But Elizabeth really wanted to say a few things to Sam before Dr. Meadows showed up.

"Sam," she said when she saw her hand move.

Sam opened her eyes expecting to find Carly still in the room but instead Elizabeth was there. She looked around making sure Carly was gone before closing her eyes in relief. She didn't have the energy to go another round.

"No, open your eyes," Elizabeth said walking closer.

"Please tell me Carly isn't coming back," Sam whispered.

"She never should have been here," Elizabeth said shaking her head.

"I just want to be alone."

"I know," Elizabeth said softly. "It's so easy to push everybody away and pretend that it's what you want. But it's not. It's a defensive move that only makes you feel worse in the end."

"What do you know?" Sam asked glaring at her.

"I know that when I lost my baby it hurt," Liz said looking down at her hands which were clenched tightly in front of her. "I wasn't near as far along as you were. It's small in comparison but it doesn't change the fact that one moment I was pregnant and the next my baby was just gone."

"I didn't know," Sam said blinking back tears.

"Not many do," Elizabeth said smiling sadly. "But I did what you are doing, pushed people away that I really wanted around me because it seemed easier, certainly less to deal with. But I regretted it. It would have been so much easier to have the ones I loved around me."

"I don't have anyone like that here."

"You have Jason," Liz pointed out. "Sonny wants to help. Carly too in her own weird selfish way. People here care about you. You just have to let them in. Let them help." When Sam nodded her head and looked like she was really thinking about what Elizabeth was saying she walked towards the door. "And I'm here. If you need to talk."

"Thank you Elizabeth," Sam said watching as the young nurse walked out of her room, making sure the door was shut tight behind her.


End file.
